I have had four emails today telling me how happy I will be with a larger penis.

To think it was only yesterday that I misplaced my cervix.

In other news ... after 16 months my blog crush has finally made reference to getting me drunk and taking advantage of me.

What?

That's how I read it.

I am being a brat.

I am aware of this and don't need it pointed out.

I did not get one single birthday present.

Nothing.

Nadda.

Yes, I know I am 35 but I kinda thought I might get a wee summat at least from family.

Yes, I know at my age it should not be about gifts but about having friends and family and my health.

Blah fucking blah.

I didn't even get a happy birthday wish from my older brother ... not even a text message.

I guess after me not being in the same country as them for 16 years it made it easy for them not to bother.