Ok ... who can pick out which answers I am being serious on?

1) Shakespeare or the Bible.
Bible.

2) Most romantic moment in fiction.
Am I the only one who thinks it's when gerbil magnet Gere carries Smarmy Deborah Winger out of the factory in 'Officer and a Gentleman'?

3) Favourite word?
Now it's Meme thanks to Hellcat.

4) Most overrated writer
Shakespere.

6) Best meal in literature
Cafe scene from 'When Harry met Sally'.

7) Favourite novel in translation
'Oxford English Dictionary'

8) Favourite children's book
'James and the big fuck off peach'

9) Books by your bedside
'12 steps and 12 traditions'

10) Sexiest book
'Lady Chatterleys Piece of Fluff'

* rolls eyes *

Boy: * squeeze hug * I have missed you. I'm hungry.

Me: * gibberlysniffgibbersome *

Boy: Stop crying people are staring. I'm hungry.

Me: * sniffgibbersniff *

Boy: Did you buy a convertable? I'm hungry.

Me: * sniff * * confused look * Convertable? No.

Boy: Oh, your hair. Nevermind. I'm hungry.

If you have fully surfaced yet ... I am so bloody sorry.

* sticks loser sign on forehead *

Did anyone else here do this last year?

Planning on doing it this year?

National Novel Writing Month

Get your minds out of the seedy depths they are sinking to.

Suggestions on fun things to do in the next 6 days.

Bear in mind my fuckwitassholecunting boss is not allowing me time off due to short notice so evenings only.

Fuck.

Don't worry though Cody will be kept fully busy in the daytime. He is actually going to be hanging out with my brother (the one who works for the fire department ... why can't I get to do that?) and they are both looking forward to it.

I need to keep reminding myself that at nearly 15 he doesn't really want to sit in my lap and have me read him 'Floppy Bunny' stories anymore.

In fact the week will probably consist of me cooking, doing laundry, acting as taxi driver and being his personal cash machine.

I can't wait.

Tick bloody tock.

That clock is broken I just know it.

Why not?

* tappity tap tap *

Now?

Bloody 'ell time is dragging. I have a young man to collect from the airport dontcha know.

Yes, you read that right.

I am still suffering for the selfinflicted abuse of excessive wine consumption.

So no shouting today thank you very much.

My lack of energy yesterday was so bad that rather than actually hang up the laundry that I had placed on my bed I ended up sleeping on the couch last night.

So now I also have a sore bloody neck.

Here at 'Accounts-R-Us' we have a very heavy workload. It is a contstant stream of clients, meetings, reviews, investigations and important questions.

One such important question has ground productivity to a halt.

Pigs.

A group of.

A herd?

Yes, the urgent, production halting, international email sending question is ...

What is the correct name for more than two pigs? (assuming of course that two pigs are a pair of pigs)

Answers on a postcard please ......

Seems to me that I should be allowed today off.

You see, I was off Wednesday and Thursday so my brain has slipped out of work mode.

Oh well, guess I won't do any work today as usual.

Tuesday afternoon and I am home already.

* pokes out tongue *

Well, I went last night and signed contracts on the house share that I will be doing as from next month.

Sat and chatted for about an hour with the two girls I will be living with.

I have to be honest there is a little part of me that is wary. Lets face it ... three women all sharing a house ... it almost screams bitchy disaster.

All blogable I am sure.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thames didn't break last night in Caversham but is now predicted for today. My brother has been ace and filled up the doorways (council provided) sandbags. Also he saw the sense in at least pulling appliances out from under counters and raising up on crates. I have located my insurance papers. I have also taken my brother and his chav family supplies (water, candles, bread etc). Obviously I hope the house doesn't get flooded and this is all for nothing. I may have 'cut my nose off to spite my face' though. Remeber when brother and slapper moved in that I was all business like and had a contract drawn up. Well, the contract also states that 'should the house become inhabitable through no fault of the tenant then the landlord shall find suitable accomodation' Fuck. Insurance company approved contract though so will reimburse me ... it's just a case of how fucking long will it take to get that reimbursement if that scenario happens.

* fingers crossed for no more flucking flooding *

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My brakes on my car are making a nice squealing noise when I brake. Is that a sign of needing to get them replaced or should I just quit using them and do a Formula 1 sliding stop against the side of buildings?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have lost 4lbs

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am bored out of my mind. Been here since 7.15 and ready for a nap.

Please allow me to introduce y'all to Dennis

I shall be keeping y'all updated with his exploits.

Kindly donated by my never sarcastic co-workers this is my new mode of transport ...... suggested names anyone?

Well, for me (like most of the country) Friday was a wee bit interesting getting home.

I had to tackle this at the end of the road I work on.

In both directions !!

It was pretty much the same story the whole way home.

I even had to have a little help at one point.

So by the time I got home a drink was in order ... really only planned on one glass but ... well .... the cork broke.

So I decided staying home and finishing the wine was the best thing to do.

The next morning I get an urgent call from my dad so I jump in my car.

Drive through more of this.

To find the urgency was in relation to this.

Which very quickly revealed this.

After my dad and I demolished all the fudge I get a call to go to my storage unit because of this. (taken after much pumping out)

Which when opening the door revealed 13 boxes all in a similar state to this.

So ...... I am so bloody glad right now to be at work. It's dry, it's warm and there is wine in the conference room fridge.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Well.

That was fun.

Storage unit 3 feet under water.

No empty units for anyone to move stuff to.

A box full of 'artwork' from when Cody was ickle.

Family pictures.

Books.

Clothes.

and the tear jerker .....

Boots and shoes.

* sigh *

Before I say something/drink something/do something that I may regret tomorrow.

That would be a first.

... before it begins.

We are reading the same book, we are just on different pages.

I am more than you can see.

You are less than what I need.

Apparently.

Ok. I just had a wee accident while opening the wine so anything that happens in this here corner of Blogland tonight is not my fault.

So there.

By the way ....

TV on a friday night is shit.

Drinking wine by yourself on a Friday night is shit.

Not having anyone you feel like inviting over is shit.

Actually none of that is true. Ok, the TV part might be.

Well, this is strange, things look different in here when its not being done during work hours. Who else is here? C'mon there has to someone else around.

Oh by the way. I have decided to rehome Smudge. This is not an easy decision for me but I need to do what's best for him. I cannot give him the time or environment he deserves. If he were an older cat who would be content to sit in the window and sleep 23 hours a day it might be different.

Hey, I have a wineglass the size of a fish bowl.

Maybe I should get a fish.

Not !!

4 hours and 45 minutes to get home !!

If I hadn't left the cable for my phone at work I would share the picture of me being towed through about 4 feet of water.

Now .... I think it's wine time.

Hmmmmm.

Road where I work is closed cos it has literally cracked open due to all the rainwater rushing through sewers.

Not sure how we are going to actually get out.

Just looked on the web and found pictures of village that Kims house is in (remember I am house sitting) and it is flooded.

Now .... where did I put that damn origami book ..anyone got extra paper?

Hope it bites ya !

(took a video clip but thank god I can't figure out how to get it on here as y'all really, really don't want to hear the background noises !!)

Oi. Get out of the gutter.

Anyway.

I have just been HERE

and made this .....

so that if it keeps doing this .....

then I shall have to sail instead of drive to this .....

where the last time I was there and it rained this happened .....

so we went outside and watched these during a break in the rain .....

True story.

That was fun explaining why I went downstairs and took a picture of the parking lot !!

Not half as much fun as it was to explain the boat.

So .... who else is gonna make one and tell a story?

This is making me giggle on this crap rainy day.

Harry Potter Predictions

Delia's Way :

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

.

.

.

.

LandersUks' Way :

Latex gloves ..... yes please.

Ok, we know quite a bit about each other around here but lets dig a little deeper.

1. There are crumbs in your bed cos lets face it you don't live in a showhome. What kind of cookies do those crumbs come from?

2. You are sitting on the toilet brushing your teeth cos you are hungover as normal. What got you that drunk?

3. You have been dumped cos well, lets face it .. you are a loser. What comfort food do you grab? (after sticking pins in a voodoo doll obviously)

4. Your wife/husband has pissed you off (that means angry in the US by the way ... not watersports) so you decide to go have an expensive gourmet meal on his/her credit card. What do you order?

5. Sitting in church (waiting for the lightning to strike you) and you have a book/magazine tucked inside the hymn sheet. What is it?

Hmmmmmmm .... who do I want to know this stuff about?

I hereby tag .......

Rowthefuckingboatdownthestream.

Sixpenceisallshesworth

Delia's Way:

Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles

.

.

.

.

Row The Boats' way:

Left over wine???? Helllloooo!!

Ha ha ha ha you can't.

The ducks can though.

Oh yes my Blogeroos, I am lappie mobile.

I got, thanks to the cute Fed Ex girl, my mobile modem thingy.

So what better way to test than to come sit and watch the ducks?

You're so right.

The pub really would be better.

Really.

I do.

Ok.  Lets see
if I can be a slick as Paddy.
 
Ooer ..... that does
not sound right.
 
Anyway.
 
Lets take care of
the check list.
 
Attend meeting -
check
 
Nod occasionally -
check
 
Make notes on
electronic gadget ....
 
oh "notes" ... not try and mobile
blog.
 
Bad
girl.
 
* giggles
*
 
Can I please
emphasise that I am not being lazy ... it is very hard to get dizzy and
interested in PAYE and NIC disputes when I can see sunshine out of the
window.  I should have sat on the other side of the table so I could oogle
the window cleaner when he does this floor.  Dammit.
 
Can I reply to
comments when mobile or just make the original
post?

It's dark.

You move into the house so quietly I don't hear you.

Do you watch me sleep?

Do you listen to my breathing?

As you move about the house getting your bearings do you feel guilty?

Guilty for coming in uninvited.

Do you smile before you viciously take what isn't yours?

Does the saliva run over your lips as you sink your teeth into the soft soft flesh that does not belong to you?

Fucking squirrels !

I really wanted that banana for breakfast !

Ok what I am trying to thin of is the product name of something.

It is a thingymajig that you can slot into a port (?) on your laptop to get internet access.

Now, I am NOT talking about a wireless card or wireless USB adapter thing.

I am talking about that thing that is like a portable router (?) that you pay monthly charges for just like the router at your house.

Any idea anyone?

Why do I have the title that I have?

Lets take a stroll back in time to my first ever post where I explain it.

What Do I Care If You Like It.

You will also see from that post that the first ever comment left for me was by the resident mafia boss.

Well ... he does use the line "Tell him I sent you"

Try to imagine him in the mafia.

lol.

Ok, I have been trying to think of a way that I can support Paddy (and anyone else who is doing it with him ... not doing Paddy ... follow my train here) while he is doing his Blogathon for Amy.

I can either add an item of clothing for each post he does on that day or take an item off for each post.

Now I actually think the add an item will be more challenging. He's doing a minimum of 48 posts in 24 hours right? Do you know how friggin hot and uncomfortable a minimum of 48 items of clothing will be?

So. It's up to you Blogville. How shall I support him?

I will post pictoral proof.

Gaffer tape across my mouth does NOT count as clothing.

BBB

Blog Big Brother

Hmmmmmmmm.

If it were true I am sure I would be a cross between Charley and the tourettes boy Pete.

Love it or hate it but face it that it is popular even if just for the mindnumbing factor.

Soooooooo. If we were to have a BBB I wonder who would have an affair first, who would start telling lies first, who would throw a tantrum first and who would get caught breaking the rul