You see someone doing something online that may be behind their 'partners' back.

You know that the 'partner' and family have put alot of time into this person.

Yet you do not know any involved on a personal level. You have great respect for them (the ones not doing something wrong) but as I said you don't really know them.

Do you take a risk and send an email or do you keep your mouth shut and wait for a possible train wreck?

God I hate being cryptic but I have my reasons. I know some of you may even think I am talking about you but fear not. This is not as obvious as it seems.

Edited to add: To the three people sending me texts and emails. Stop being paranoid (although you have now highlighted to me that you are obviously misbehaving ) FFS. x.

Someone asked me how I know I have found 'the one'. Hard question to answer as I am single so obviously I haven't.

However here are my personal thoughts .....

I think the main thing is at least having a framework to build on.

In BDSM there are so many different angles which is fantastic for the variety but too much variety can cause barriers when trying to find 'the one'.

Afterall what is normal to one may be obscene to another.

Take me for example I am a masochist. I derive great pleasure from pain. I derive even greater pleasure taking that suffering from someone who is enjoying it as much as I and not just perfroming a playact.

Wouldn't it be awful if I should get involved with someone who said they enjoy inflicting pain only to find that their kink only extends to binding and occasional spanking.

Not that I am knocking that but it would be a shame for both involved as both would not be getting what they need. Having said all that though ... none of it matters if you do not connect on all levels.

For me this is about a jigsaw puzzle. All the pieces have to fit to get the picture. So really it is no different than any other relationship ... right?

I am rambling.

EDIT: THIS IS MOVED FROM ANOTHER BLOG. ALL REPLIES FROM THERE ARE COPIED BELOW.

EnamelSlide pro
2007-05-28 @ 21:39

I think finding the one who ticks all the boxes is like the search for the holy grail sometimes Just so happens one of your boxes appears to be hard to come by.

I've always imagined that there would be a fair share of men would be into the sadist thing, but i suppose thats just my own little assumption

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 22:09

Yes but even within the BDSM arena there are so many diverse interests. Its like now I found the needle in the haystack I have to try and thread the thing blindfolded.

lol.

However I do find that the extremes of my journey are what keep me on my toes per se.

EnamelSlide pro
2007-05-28 @ 22:12

Dont they forums/websites/dating places where you can find like minded peoples?

Abilene pro
2007-05-29 @ 00:03

Yes hun and I am a member ... an active member. I am just voicing thoughts based on a question. I have no doubt with patience I will find the one but in the meantime its one hell of a ride.

rowtheboat [Member]
http://rowtheboat.blog.co.uk/
2007-05-28 @ 21:49

You're right - the struggle for compatibility in a relationship is one that everyone has. And how far to compromise.

Good luck with it medear x

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-29 @ 00:58

Abi, I believe that the one for you and you for him/her will embrace every little bit of you and be willing to explore your interests as you will be willing to explore their interests simply because it is important to the one you love.

Abilene pro
2007-05-29 @ 09:29

Oh you are absolutely right and I have all the tim ein the world on this one.

Just trying to bring to light a little that just because a person has "kinks" it does in no way mean they will automatically be compatible with someone else's "kinks"

Also in my opinion ..it's only kinky the first time.

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-29 @ 11:55

I have no idea why I am so protective of you but I am and here I go again with saying that just because you like some things that others may not doesn't mean you have kinks and they don't.
To each their own I say and just because you like BDSM doesn't mean that you are not kind, sweet, loyal and genuine. I mean it too.

Abilene pro
2007-05-29 @ 12:08

I love how protective of me you are. I really do. Not many are (no, that is NOT a sympathy attempt lol) so when it is someone such as yourself who loves and cares for for no ulterior motive it really means a lot.

Enough of that shit.

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-29 @ 13:24

hugs and kisses darling...and enough of that shit

maddogsandenglishmen pro
2007-05-29 @ 11:09

the right person will come along..and when they do, it'll be so obvious, and you'll both bend a little to make any bits that dont quite join up match perfectly. you'll see

(can you tell I'm in love? )

Abilene pro
2007-05-29 @ 11:18

Have I come across sounding as if I am DESPERATELY looking? I hope not. Yes, I am keeping my eyes open but I have actually settled in a calm place where I am ok with discovering more about me before finding 'Him'. Then though the real journey begins where hoipefully he is mentally strong enough to help me discover even more about me.

lyndlj pro
2007-06-07 @ 22:24

Rambling is my job, get your own.

You will know when you get there, the connection, meanwhile, well life is for living isn't it.

I have a place elsewhere that I am very explicit about certain aspects of my life. I want to bring the two more in line from an ease of use aspect (mine) which is why I am just going to host both here for now.

However I don't think it is something everyone on here wants or needs to read. I shall for the most part be making all posts 'friends only' but even then only to a select few.

Please let me know if you wish to have access. I will NOT be offended if you do not wish to read. Please bear in mind saying you want to read does not mean I will grant it. I am not in any way trying sound condescending with this but when I say "explicit about certain aspects of my life" I do not joke.

EDITED : I HAVE MOVED THIS FROM ANOTHER BLOG. ALL RELIES FROM THERE ARE COPIED BELOW.

FunkyFarmer pro
2007-05-27 @ 17:57

Hiya,
I think this is a time you need to invite people you trust to read your very personal stuff rather than have people opt in.

Anyway what do I know? LOL I'm only a wrinkly old farmer.

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 17:59

I do see what you are saying which is why I said that asking does not guarantee. I just dont want to do invites and run the risk that certain people may feel obligated to accept. This way it is as the title of the post says "Your Choice".

FunkyFarmer pro
2007-05-27 @ 18:05

OK I will let you off this once

EnamelSlide pro
2007-05-27 @ 18:00

i'd be interested to hear what you have to say, but i wont be offended if you think not!

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:36

Done.

EnamelSlide pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:43

Thanx

Might learn a trick or two, or even share some

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:58

Deal.

sminchin pro
2007-05-27 @ 18:01

You're educating me

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:36

You may not want 'this' education. Done

sminchin pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:41

*shrug*

I don't have to read it

ladee-bird pro
2007-05-27 @ 18:28

Oooooh i'd love to read whatever it is that you choose to write here purely because i'm so goddamn nosey

Joking aside i LOVE reading blogs of peoples lives they're the ones i like the most

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 18:56

uhmmm sweetie ..are you sure you want to read?

Tell ya what - I will add you to the posts but please let me know if it's too much. As I said up there ^^^^^ I will not be offended.

subville pro
http://subville.blog.co.uk/
2007-05-27 @ 19:12

Count me in, if you wish

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:37

In my dear.

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-27 @ 19:45

yes please.

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:38

Ahhhh but of course.

hi sis.

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-28 @ 01:40

Thank you my lovely sis. I will be honored to have you share this side of you. I recognize that it is deeply personal and intense and I am flattered you are willing to share. Hugs and kisses my sis

maddogsandenglishmen pro
2007-05-27 @ 19:53

I'm game.

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:42

As if there was any doubt.

Sorry about calling you Friday *blush*.

Your damn name is one away from the gentleman you are about to read about. So imagine why I was somewhat frustrated when I got you and not him. No offense. lol.

maddogsandenglishmen pro
2007-05-27 @ 20:45

heheheh its fine, I was cracking up - and no offence taken whatsoever

lonemum [Member]
2007-05-27 @ 21:49

but do you mean ruuuuuuuuuuuuuude or about personal or difficult stuff not necessarilly ruuuuuuuuuuuuuude? but anyway....I am interested but if its ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude not probably....as am a bit prudey lol!!! All the best with it anyway! your blogs are always very interesting you have a good way of putting stuff. whatever!

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 22:31

Yes, I am afraid some would consider it rude which is why I chose to go about it this way. I love that those on my friends list are a widly diverse group and am totally accepting that there are things about me that they don't all need to know.

The 'normal' personal, annoying and silly stuff will still go on my regular 'do i care' blog.

lonemum [Member]
2007-05-27 @ 22:48

I am fine with rude but not with graphic details...what do you think? I am bloody curious but dont know!!!!lol xx

lonemum [Member]
2007-05-27 @ 23:02

guess what I'm thinking is I'm up for supporting you but not just to be a voyeur....that is what I'm thinking...yes that is the one...do you see what I mean? xx

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 23:16

No, I totally understand. It is about my journey in the BDSM lifestyle and why it is pulling me in. Namely as a submissive female ...something I would never have thought I was.

Yes it probably will get rather graphic at times. So I think I would just rather you be my friend on 'do i care'. I think that will be best for both of us as I would be mortified if you ever read something I wrote that offended you.

Love to you as always :hugs:

lonemum [Member]
2007-05-27 @ 23:23

lol.....bless you! you gotta do what you feel comfortable with...and my dithering about prolly says it all!! All the best with it.....big hugs back!! xxxxx

moltsplace pro
2007-05-27 @ 22:33

I'd like to see if allowed

Abilene pro
2007-05-27 @ 22:43

Ok M.

timekillingkid [Member]
2007-05-28 @ 00:01

*pulls up comfortable chair*

Game if you are.

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 00:21

Oh shit.

* stomps off to check TKK's name on the posts *

This is where you no longer want me to meet your mom.

flickflack pro
2007-05-28 @ 05:11

You'll not make me blush, missus. Count me in.

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 11:19

It's not the blushing I am concerned about .... it's the offense level. lol

TheMusingsOfAMenopausalMama pro
http://theachaprinciple.blog.ca
2007-05-28 @ 23:50

Abi, this is quite lovely that you wish to share a deeply personal and intimate side of you and have thought to ask if your friends would want to be included in your descriptions of BDSM and your journeys within but a question for you - how could something you do offend me especially when what you do has nothing to do with me? Just a thought...I would never be offended by what you do

steve_p [Member]
2007-05-28 @ 11:13

I am intrigued because I am nosey

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 11:20

You, young man, have been warned.

rowtheboat [Member]
http://rowtheboat.blog.co.uk/
2007-05-28 @ 17:28

Go for it medear x

Sapphire_Night pro
2007-05-28 @ 17:30

Sounds interesting although like Ladee B I am also just nosey!

Lindow pro
2007-05-28 @ 17:40

Okay. I've thought about this deeply for all of two seconds and if you promise not to take offence I'll opt out. I'm totally for consenting adults doing whatever they like but graphic's not really what I'm looking for when I blog. Call me vanilla, if you must, but I'll stick with 'do I care'. James.

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 18:34

Your honesty and thoughts are exactly why I have handled it this way. It is not graphic as in hard porn but obviously with choosing to write about the BDSM side of me things may get a little more than some can or want to deal with.

I mean the term 'vanilla' in no negative way btw.

Abi x

lyndlj pro
2007-05-28 @ 18:10

I dont need to think deeply, to me you are a lovely person, and that is sincerity not flattery. I count you amongst my 'real' friends, you wont offend me, I have probably read worse

Knowing all about what makes you tick is important to knowing you. If that makes any sense at all x

Abilene pro
2007-05-28 @ 18:35

* hugs *

cathead [Member]
2007-05-29 @ 22:15

My middle name is "open-minded"
Fire away Abilene, I'm totally unshockable, except of course where politicians' hypocritical audacity is concerned.

davidjohn pro
2007-06-20 @ 13:15

I dont know anything and it seems have never lived. Please give me an education ! davidjohn

Dear God, I can't sleep. No that's not a prayer ... just a statement.

Watching Laura Dern and Nicholas Cage. Strangely sexy.

Who all is going to B'ham next weekend. *puts hand in the air*