It light of my fabfuckingtastic news here is a pic for a short time.

Yes, I know ... my son has vampire teeth

Edit: Picture deleted now.

Picture the scene if you will.

bring, bringggg (ok, so pretend it's a damn phone)

"Hello Thank You for calling blah blah ... This is Abi"

"Hey mom"

"Oh My God, C, heyyyyy, why are you calling me at work, what time is it there, are you ok, are you sick, what's wrong?"

"Mom, calm down *giggles* I just wanted to call and say Hi"

"You never call JUST to say 'HI', what do you want?"

"Weeeellllll, now you mention it I need some money and dad won't give it to me"

"What do you need and for what?"

"$1,000 ......"

* silence *

"Mom, are you still there?"

"Yes hun, why do you need that much money and when do you want it by?"

"For a plane ticket and I need it by Easter"

"Is it a school trip? Where is it to?"

"I am coming to see you for easter mom but I need you to buy the ticket"

"WoooooooooooooooooHooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Oh yes, readers, just got off the phone. My 14 year old, C, is coming to spend easter with me. He now sees how his dad swindled last summer and Christmas. Up yours ex-hubby!!!

I am so fucking happy now.

* runs around room hugging one and all *

So ... wanna hear about my lunch date with the mystery girl on Saturday?

Tough.

You're gonna anyway.

Actually there really isn't much to tell. She was funny, intelligent, gorgeous, articulate and employed. Perfect right? You would have thought so but I felt nothing. Not one ounce of physical attraction. We had a fantastic time but when she asked if we could see each other again I found myself actually looking for excuses.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Still not sleeping. Oh btw Nick, thanks for your email and I had already made an appointment for what you suggested. Mwah x

* * * * * * * * * * *

Anyone know a good joke ... I am in need of smiling.

Which do you want first?

Edit :

By request ... bad news first ....
Things did not work out with London guy who made my toes curl.

2nd Edit:

...and the good news is....
I have a lunch date tomorrow. ( ... with a girl )

Guess that would make 'em rams anyway if they had 'em.

Anyway.

Sheep.

Too fucking scared to speak cos you don't want to stand out.

Wait for someone else to say what is on your mind and then stand behind them.

Just don't be the first to get some balls.

Oh no, can't have that now can we.

Sheep. Think I'll have lamb for dinner!!!

There is a marching band playing badly out of tune stomping around behind my eyes this morning.

Alcohol related? No.

Can't sleep and it's taking it's toll.

* * * * * * * * *

Got the road cleaned last night with the help of one or two nice neighbors (no 'u' JD).

* * * * * * * * *

Had some scrummy pancakes that my dad made. Listened to my mom bitch as she dropped her plate. ha ha ha ha.

* * * * * * * * *

Guess what else I did last night? It was NOT perverted, sexual or deviant in any way.

Do you ever have something fall off your tongue or off the tips of your fingers and wish you could pull those words back.

You didn't mean them the way you suddenly realise they may sound.

Yet you don't want to draw attention to it for fear that it will highlight it to the one person you know that you may offend.

Someone who you wouldn't hurt for all the vodka in Russia.

Fuckity.

Going home in 39 minutes. Think I am going to go sit in a bathroom stall.

It can fit a body in it!!

Be warned B*&^&* County Council.

Don't run this one over.

£28.95 delivered.

*mental note*
Get a fekking life.

Anyone else watch it last night?

I thought it was great. Wonder if they plan on making it into a regular thing.

* wanders off talking to herself *

I know who you are.

You know who you are.

Oh yes my fellow bloggers I am on the warpath.

My mom just called me to say she went to pick up my laundry (oh shurrup, you're just jealous) and my trash can (that I had set out for collection) was turned over and strewn all over the road.

Oh sure it coulda been the wind but I know better.

Was it unruly teenagers ..... oh no.

Was it bored homeless peeps ..... oh no.

Cats I tell you.

Smudge brought about 5 cats home last night for a party and just happily escorted them through the cat door and into my nice clean house.

I came downstairs and was none too pleased. They reacted to me reacting and prompty scattered all over my house causing me many a scratch trying to drag them out from under things.

So basically Smudge got no kitty sex and the neighbor hood cat-slappers got revenge by throwing my banana peels all over the road.

Fuckers.

Council told my mom that they didn't clean it up as it's not their job as it's not a council estate!!! I don't get that logic. So, instead they 'accidentally' backed over my wheelie bin.

* anyone wanna come to mine tonight and help me clean the fekking road? *

So, what are y'all giving up for lent?

I am giving up heroin and homicide.

Where's my bluddy cow ?????

1. Drive to London.

2. Soak in bathtub.

3. Drink wine.

4. Snuggle under a blankie.

5. Be thoroughly spoiled.

Repeat steps 2 thru 5 for the next four days.

Oh yes folks ... my ass (and the rest of me) is taking some time off and going to lay below the rader with N.

If I am extremely lucky I will come back with jelly legs.

See you all on Wednesday. Keep my seat warm.

While doing my therapy housework I have the radio on.

I just heard a line from a song and it stopped me. In my tracks.

"He's an angel with no halo and one wing in the fire"

I don't know about y'all but songs alot of times make think of people. Past or present. They remind me of times past or things to come.

Now, this may sound really fucked up. That line made me think about someone I have NEVER even met.

Paddy.

That man rocks. He takes on a life that most of us would nod and say 'how commendable' but the fact remains that most of us would not actually do it ourselves. Fostering kids takes a kind of person that most of us can only aspire to be. Paddy does all this with a grace and humor that humbles me. He tackles problems when they hit him. He's not perfect. In fact he is possibly borderline nuts. Yet he is an angel.

His halo may be missing and he may burn his wing occasionaly but he is ... an angel.

(Edit to add : Pads, you woulda got my vote for the 'Moira Award' if I coulda.)

My house is sooooo shiny!!

I love a clean house. I have been doing some serious cleaning. Therapy I think.

Smudge however is trying hard to undermine my efforts.

I sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Let it dry. Put Smudge's bowls back on the floor.

Smudge comes and eats. When he eats he grabs a huge mouthful of dried food and then shakes his head, spreading it all over the floor.

So, with a scary calmness, I clean the floor again. Off I go upstairs to start on the bathroom. Leave the scrubbing bubbles in the shower to do their thing.

Back to the kitchen to make a nice cuppa. Fucking little fish all over the damn floor again. Grrrrr. Clean afuckingain.

Back to finish the bathroom only to find 'scrubbing bubbles' footprints from the bathroom to the bedroom and all over my freshly made bed.

Fuck this shit. I am ready to go back to work and open some more mail.

.....and breathe.

'Ello all.

Just to clear a few things up.

My company does NOT make/sell/monitor/eat speed cameras or driving fines. One of our clients does hence the reason we were sent that letter.

I did end up leaving work yesterday. I just had to get away. So once the relevant authorities were done with me I took my 'happy' ass home.

Stayed home today.

Tried to make a snowman.

And now one at DVLA in Swansea.

Fuckers.

I think maybe I do want to go home.

I would like to request a nice quiet day today please.

As most of know yesterday was a little strange for myself and others in my office.

I can't go into the finer details due to the ongoing investigation.

I wish you guys coulda seen me trying to call the police. I kept dialing 911. Then when I remembered it was 999 over here I kept forgetting we have to dial a 9 for an oiutside line. Then when I do finally get through to someone (which is an angry post for later) I was so shaken I had a hard time getting the address out of my mouth.

The two guys hurt are doing fine physically. Mentally I cannot comment on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I do have one thing I would like to say (for my own therapy) to whoever sent the letter bomb.

You scared me.
You have deadened my hearing.
You made me unable to sleep last night.
You made me scared when I was opening my mail this morning.
You have made me have awful feelings of guilt/relief because that mail was on my desk.

but ......

We are stronger people than you gave us credit for.
We came to work today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally back home.

Just a quick post to say thanks to all who called/texted me. Thanks to Juzzzy for letting y'all (in a friends only post) know what had happened. If you emailed me, I haven't checked it yet sorry.

I will do a longer post with regards to todays events either later or tomorrow.

Right now I just want to go throw up and then take a shower.

Fucking day!

..... go to work.

I was up until 4am writing (typing) and it is cold outside.

* stomps feet *

Please.

* throws self on ground *

After a brief conversation with Morelearning where I told him jokinly (?) that I have had a crush on Sixey since May it got me to thinking. Yes, I do that occasionally .. think that is NOT develop crushes on fellow bloggers. For the record though my two virtual crushes are Sixey and Vort. ( Is it still virtual even though I have met Sixey?)

I digress. So anyway, out of curiousity I went back to my first posts here at BCUK.

Who were your first 5 responses from? (Just cos 5 is a nice number not cos I am saying others that came later aren't my friend)

Mine were ...

1st Juzzzy - Pointing me to another blogger for help. Makes me laugh now at how he said "Tell him I sent you" like he is in the mob or summat.

2nd Eggbod - Who encouraged me to drink. Little did she know I need no encouraging. lol

3rd & 4th Lifeslessons & Llynd - Stopping me stealing the neigbors cat. Wish they had stopped me getting the Smudge!! Crazy damn cat!!

5th Political Uniform ( ok so there were others in this post but he stands out because of what he ended up going through because of his blog) Listening to my admission of being a slut.. Things haven't changed huh? lol.

Friends are cool ain't they?

* dances round the room *

I am so FUCKING smart.

I figured it out.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

God, I love you. xxxxx

Arghhhhhh I am seriously fucking bouncing right now.

I am such a detective.

* smooches *

You know who you fucking are.

Anyone up for it?

Quite simple.

Say here if you want to play. I ask a question. I decide if you are telling the truth if you chose 'truth'. I will be subjective.

If you chose dare I will make it something non-job threatening. It is an honor system. Don't play if you can't throw yourself into it.

Picture of you doing the dare is always a bonus.

Then when you are done with your truth or dare you get to copy and paste this post and challenge someone of your choice.

Any takers?

How tall where you?
About 5 glasses of white stuff.

What colour are your eyes when viewed from your side?
My eyes are in me head not me side, twat!

What was the time last Wednesday?
4 days prior to this crap

Cake, time travel or those red braces from the 80's?
Duh !!! Cake hands down (or feet up)

If you were in a car traveling at lightspeed, and you put the headlights on, what would be in the glove box?
Knickers

If a picture paints a thousand words, why when presented with a picture of Jeffery Archer, does the average person only have one word come to mind?
Boredom

Is it muddy in the tunnel?
Yeah but I like the stuff.

What is your favourite light bulb wattage?
Blown.

At what height above the ground/floor did you loose your virginity?
How high off the ground is the bed of an F250 truck?

What is directly to your left soon?
The pillow hopefully

How many blue beans make jam?
Beans are on strike, no jam will leave the factory today.

And lastly, in less than two words, give your view on the secret of a happy life.
Bondage.

16 Colts ~ 14 Bears

Go Colts Go !!!!

Nick ... seeing as how I promised it but you went to bed I have come up with a compromise.

I shall give you a picture and NOT the video clip that I had planned.

* evil laugh *

Go Colts !!!!!!

Good lord. Midight and drinking wine again. THAnk fuck tax season is done. Shame my man is an hour away having weeked time with dughter cos ai could nasty things right now. lol.

No house work though... thayt hurts.

Whoever said that it was safe to clean house at 3am when drinking wine is a FUCKING LIAR.

Saw this and thought you might find it amusing.

I tried to make it bigger Pads but I couldn't figure it out. Sorry.

A certain blogger asked me to post a few details of my date last night.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Food, wine and candles.

Quiet music and slow kisses.

Naked except for high heels.

Hands secured behind my back.

On my knees.

Blindfolded.

Nipple clamps.

Exquisite pain.

Tender touches.

Not so tender touches.

Mentally floating.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After all that ... we didn't even have sex. He is torturing me by with-holding until he feels I am ready.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now this is NOT funny. Blogland is having technical difficulties right now. I am ok with that.. What I am not ok with is that when I go to Blog home page THIS is what I have to see ........

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, should have this much Juzzzy. It's just not healthy!!!!

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT BUSH

President Bush,

I am ashamed for you; I am ashamed of you. Over and over, you have claimed that you are on the side of right, the side of God, and over and over, you have proven through your actions and speech..and even your inaction..that you are on no one's side but your own. Because of you, and because of your proponents ideas and agendas, more people have died than my mind can grasp or quantify accurately in print. You led us into a war that wasn't necessary, by holding up "righteous" hands, full of a false assurance of retribution and an impossible security for a nation that was too wounded to know better. Out one side of your mouth, you talk about stamping out evil and making our nation strong and safe, and out the other, you talk about tax cuts for the rich and advantages for large corporations, despite what those things might do to the availability of funds for the elderly, poor, and needy. Exactly how does denying people prescriptions and medical help strengthen our country? Explain to me how drilling for oil in our last pristine wilderness will help keep us safe? Tell me, Mr. President, what phenomenal good your constant vacationing has done our great country?

This is what I see, and it is not good:

Based on false information, and your say-so, our well-meaning troops killed and are killing large numbers of Iraqi people, both by direct violence and by simple interference. Our troops are dying, and, when they are allowed to come home at all, are coming home mentally and emotionally scarred and battered. The "help" our country is supposed to be giving to the Iraqis is not moving forward, and is not doing much good, but is doing substantial harm..both there, and at home. To date, no compelling evidence has been established that we should ever have begun this war at all, and our children and fathers and daughters are still over there..on your say-so.

When the tsunami hit Indonesia, you fought for all you were worth, not to send aid of any meaningful kind to the part of the world that obviously needed it most. It was not important to you, and I can't help but wonder how things might have been different for those suffering, if you had sent help...but, of course, our troops were in Iraq..where you put them. (because, of course, expanding the arm of democracy is so much more important than saving lives)

When a true disaster hit us once again in the form of Katrina, instead of rising to the occasion like the Commander-in-Chief you ought to be, you ignored the problem until your comfortable vacation was over. Instead of stirring yourself to organize relief efforts before the situation overwhelmed local officials, you left it all in the hands of incompetent underlings who you knew were not up to the task. When our troops were sorely needed to combat disaster on the home front, they were unavailable because they were on the other side of the world; we were left naked and floundering, and to compund it, you waited days to begin even the smallest effort to organize what aid we could get. And when the reality of your failure and incompetence began to dawn at last on the sleepy and stunned public, you quickly identified the others who had made mistakes in this mess and began to point the finger at them. Of course it isn't you, sir, it never is, is it?

When people began to identify their dead, and you divert the media to cover the outrageous rise in gas prices. People die, and you get a photo-op. People suffer, and you only wonder how to spin it so your popularity will rise. A woman asks you, in an interview, about how much has gone wrong in this horrible turn of events, and you look at her blankly and ask "What hasn't gone right?".

I am ashamed of you, and I am angry that you would continue to claim Christianity as your guide, when none of what you have done, or failed to do, has ever been following in the steps of Jesus. I am not what you would call a great proponent of Christianity, but I believe enough to understand that Jesus would never have gone into a "holy-war", nor demanded that people kill and die for abstract ideas and foggy reasons, backed by hate and bigotry and fear. Jesus would not put monetary gain above the health and well-fare, indeed the life, of anyone. And Jesus would never have spent a leisurely vacation in a nice, clean, suit, eating large, luxurious, meals, while people he could reach were drowning, starving, and dying. I think it is safe to say that the savior of all mankind would have flown into the heart of the worst of it, rolled up his sleeves, and begun healing the sick and feeding the starving. But not you, your sleeves are clean and neat and nicely pressed, but your hands are covered in blood.

You are not my President. You are just the lying politician I have to put up with until the mercy of time finally ends your unforgivable term in office. The day of your original inauguration, I defended you to my then partner, saying that even if we didn't vote for you, we should try to support you as the leader of our country...I do not defend you now...I will never defend you again.

There is no defense for you.

With all my heart,

Abi.