My dear fellow reprobates I am so glad to be here today.
Oh yes you read that right. No griping about it being a dreary monday. No bitching about incompetent clients and workers. I am going to hug anyone that gets within 4 feet of my office.
Wanna know why?
Oh shurrup cos I'm gonna tell ya anyway.
Saturday night I had one or three bottles of wine. (there's a suprise)
Fall gracelessy in to bed (alone I might point out) at about 2am after drunkenly watching Jane Ayre.
Dreaming what I am sure are disturbing, therapy worthy dreams.
Suddenly in my dream I am getting attacked by someone with needles for fingers. Ouch it hurts. Get off me.
I slowly start to wake up to realise I have one rather hysterical cat attached to my face!!
The shrieking noise is something that just cannot be adequately described here but I do think they heard it at the space station.
After carefully removing Smudge from my face and trying to push him off the bed he then attaches himself to my chest and will NOT get off.
Then I start to realise something is not right. Can't put my finger on it.
That smell.
What is that smell.
OH FUCKING HELL
I know that smell.
GAS !!!!
I grab my mobile phone from the bedside, hug Smudge tight, try to get the bathrobe on ( not easy when the cat won't let go ) and haul my ass down the stairs and out the door.
Fuck it was cold and wet at 4.30am but I could not have been happier.
My normal morning routine is to wake up, stumble to the kettle, flip the on switch and then light a cigarette !!!
I shudder to think of how that cigarette would have woken me and the rest of this county up.
My cat deserves a medal!!!
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