Well, one holiday down and one to go.

New Years Eve.

I made it through the year. As corny as it sounds this year has FLOWN by. On February 5th this year I could not see an end in sight and then on February 6th I was putting my bare feet on cool grass enjoying freedom. Then what happened. A fucking whirlwind.

2007 has the absolute potential to be a fantastic year for me.

I shall spend my New Years Eve in quiet reflection at home with Smudge. I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be angry at and a lot to look forward to. I think all of these make me who you see before you. Guess that's not such a bad thing eh?

Not sure that I believe in resolutions. After all if they are worth doing then we shouldn't have to wait until January 1st to start 'em.

Well, that wasted another 5 minutes of a totally wasted day. Can't believe I pulled the short straw to have to come to work today. There are 6 of us in the entire building. It is costing more to run the building utilities than it is to pay our wages.

Cuppa time.

Thanks Popbitch.

What Heather told Kirsty

TV property guru Kirsty Alsopp once appeared on Pebble Mill with Heather Mills.

They caught the same train from London to Birmingham for the show.

Not recognising Heather, Kirsty politely asked Mucca what she did.

Heather's reply?

"I give the best blow jobs in Britain".

Yep. Uh huh. I sure did.

With a heartbeat and everything.

Well, it is with great happiness that I am here to report that all things tinsely did survive. I did not completely snap and go on an anti-christmas tirade.

Thank you soooo much to those that sent me texts and phone calls. Please do not be offended if I didn't answer the phone. Had some bumpy moments and didn't feel like talking.

However I now see in the cold light of day that I am a slacker (more so than normal that is) as I have NOT yet done my secret santa thing ... my only shining light is that neither has Juzzzy. Him and I are too similar me thinks!!

I am just stopping in for the day (as I am sadly at work today) so I will try to get it done today or failing that I will work on it at home and get in in in the next few days. Hopefully Lynd won't be too mad at me.

Anywhoooo .... off to find some tea.

Poor Paddy is going to be sooo mad with me and I will almost put money on him arguing about the answer to number 10. lol

Here are the answers to the Christams Pub Quiz.

1) Which Michael Jackson song was a Christmas number 1 in 1995?
Earth Song
2) In which year was ‘Feed the World’ released for the second time in time for Christmas and sung by Band Aid II?
1989
3) Which female solo artist was born on Christmas day in 1971?
Dido
4) In which year was Mr Blobby the UK Christmas Number one?
1993
5) Who wished it could be Christmas every day?
Wizzard
6) Complete the line from this well-meaning festive hit. 'And the Christmas bells that ring there?
are the clanging chimes of doom
7) What were ‘MUD’ going to be this Christmas?
Lonely
8) In which year did Slade top the UK charts with 'Merry Xmas Everybody' ?
1973
9) What does my true love send to me on the ninth day of Christmas?
Ladies Dancing
10) Who has had the most Christmas number ones since 1960?
The Beatles

The answer to number 10 is NOT Cliff Richard. Yes he has had 321 number one hits since the year 1876 and many of them have been on the rollover of the chart during Christmas week. However, I wanted ( and I don't care if it was clear or not cos it's my quiz ) to know who had the most number ones on Christmas. Now to my knowledge Christmas day has been on the 25th December for quite some time. Hasn't changed. So ner ner Paddy.

* hugs Pappy *

Now ....... * drum roll *

The winners are ...............

Graybags101 and Faffajane.

* applause *

Ok, if you two can think of what you would like for a prize ... be reasonable ... lol.

* makes mental note to kick them both in ankles if they go over £5 *

1) Make tea

2) Give pressies to my dear sweet underlings ( is that snobby enough ) and hope they don't drink it all before lunchtime.

3) post answers to Christmas quiz and ask the winner what they want for the prize ( within reason )

4) Tell Nick the damn story about how I came to be laying face down on Sunset Strip with a certain Ms Love holding my head.

5) Go to a wankering meeting. ( Not a 'wanking' meeting ... we don't have those kind of meetings sadly )

6) Throw stuff at anyone singing shit walking past my office. I'll give you fucking Jingle Bells !!

* In any order I feel like it *

OK.

Contest is over tomorrow at noon so get your hat in the ring so to speak.

Click Here.

Well. I failed.

All I needed to do was have 10 somewhat sufficent posts today to be able to knock the nakedish pictures to the next page.

Three more to go even after this obvious filler.

Sorry Sminchy ... cover the kids eyes for a couple of days. In fact I shall no doubt be doing drunken blogging over the dismal days ahead so maybe you should send 'em to their grandparents or summat.

It's in their best interests.

Ok, we are going to play a little game here.

"Reader tells the story"

I am going to show you three things and you are going to try and tell me what you think happened to me that involves these three t hings back in 1996 when I was living in California. (Stay away from LA Juzzzy) Bonus points if you can actually name the 'items' ( The 'lady' is NOT Madonna )

EDIT : Picture one deleted for various legal reasons ... lmao.

C'mon ... play along and I may actually confess the real story at some point.

Well, just read this about the town I work in. Nice.

"Wife swapping, boss humping, nanny screwing and abortions were as rife as tax dodging and expenses fiddling.

I stood on Middle England's high ground and felt nauseous. But didn't we all?"

* mental note ... must hump the boss at least *

This made me giggle.

I have just been reading the blog of the person who I drew in the 'Secret Santa'.

What a wonderful, decent, beautiful person.

How in the F am I going to do justice to this person?

I am a sarcastic, sometimes evil, partly dead inside person.

Me thinks this does not make good math.

Ok, let me first say that I am not suddenly getting into the christmas spirit ( well, the vodka I am but that's another story ) but I do wish to throw a scenario at you and listen to your thoughts.

Picture if you will:

You invite me to your house. I get there and as you open the door you politely ask me to take off my shoes. I turn around and stomp in your flower beds and get mud all over my shoes, brush past you and then proceed to walk all through your house in my now muddy shoes.

How do you feel about this? Would you allow me to do it as you don't want to offend me? If I come to your house should I really be expected to respect your custom of taking off shoes?

EXACTLY !!!!!!!

So would all the politically correct twats who are scared to say "Merry Christmas" please grow some balls and stand up for yourselves.

I moved here from the States but did not expect anyone to celebrate 4th of July or Thanksgiving. I celebrated because I don't feel you have to lose your identity to live elsewhere but you also should not expect others to lose theirs because you are living there.

Why?

BECAUSE I CAME TO YOUR COUNTRY AND THERFORE DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO ABANDON YOUR TRADITIONS TO SUIT ME !!!!

* and breathe *

Well, yesterday as many of you know, my goal was to post pictures all day and post enough to push a certain post off the front page. Mission accomplished.

Todays mission ... post enough drivel to get all those pictures out of here. After all, Sminchy can't read my blog until they are gone for fear of damaging young minds.

Hmmmmmm ... at 10 posts per page this may be either interesting, controversial or just plain boring.

Soooooooooooooo ..........................

and my mind is blank.

* glares at blogville ~ daring the first person to make a comment on that *

...and that ladies and gents has accomplished my goal of bumping my self pitying post of yesterday off this front page.

Couldn't resist.

Posting at a high rate of knots just for you.

In 'light' of my new interests I thought this may be fitting. I actually think it's a great picture but then y'all always knew I was alittle off kilter.

I can't wait to see some damned snow.

Clip runs a little slow.

Shurrup Juzzzy.

Now ...

Imagine Joey from Friends.

"How you doin?"

Baby hedgehogs ... hoglets !!!!

Aurora lights. Fantastic to see.

I am going to spend my time today blogging pictures. I am not going to whine/grumble/moan about anything.

So .... with that said ...........

This is a 4D ultrasound scan of a baby elephant while still in the womb.

Never known so many people in my life ( virtual and real ) and yet never felt more alone.

Move to the next happity, cheery, jingle-jangly blog if you want.

I am not suicidal but fuck, I am NOT looking forward to the next two weeks.

People laughing.

Warmth glows from windows I pass.

Movies made for couch snuggling on the t.v.

* sigh *

Bottle of wine for one.

Coming into Blogville where none can see the ridiculous watery eyes.

Oi !!! You miserable buggers.

Do the CHRISTMAS PUB QUIZ !!!!!!

* skips away looking for children and old ladies to kick *

That's it.

Nothing to see here folks.

Move along.

Fucking Christmas * grumble *

Christmas Pub Quiz

Answers posted Friday. Winner(s) gets a prize !!!!

1) Which Michael Jackson song was a Christmas number 1 in 1995?

Thriller
Black and White
Earth Song
Billie jean

2) In which year was ‘Feed the World’ released for the second time in time for Christmas and sung by Band Aid II?

1989
1990
1991
1992

3) Which female solo artist was born on Christmas day in 1971?

Victoria Beckham
Annie Lennox
Kylie Minogue
Dido

4) In which year was Mr Blobby the UK Christmas Number one?

1992
1993
1994
1995

5) Who wished it could be Christmas every day?

Jethro Tull
Oasis
Wizzard
Slade

6) Complete the line from this well-meaning festive hit. 'And the Christmas bells that ring there?

jingle all the way
from children playing and having fun
are the clanging chimes of doom
go ding dong merrily on high

7) What were ‘MUD’ going to be this Christmas?

Happy
Sad
Lonely
Crying
8) In which year did Slade top the UK charts with 'Merry Xmas Everybody' ?

1971
1974
1973
1972

9) What does my true love send to me on the ninth day of Christmas?

Maids a milking
Pipers piping
Lords a leaping
Ladies Dancing

10) Who has had the most Christmas number ones since 1960?

The spice girls
Cliff Richard
The Beatles
Band Aid

...a naked Santa and a sexy Batman running across the road hand in hand with Cruella DeVille?

In Coventry on Saturday night.

I did !!!

I happen to look good as Cruella

* gasp *

You read the title right.

Exploring myself.

Not said for shock factor.

Not said for attention seeking.

Not said for entertainment.

Said so I can stop hiding.

Incidentally ... not exploring the part that would seem obvious.

Welcome to me.

Been trolling around Blogville today and want to know what a 'bunny boiler' is.

Could it be a nice stew?

Could it be personal body heater?

Could it be a crazy new ritual known only to English people.

Help purleeease.

Received an email from toothbrush boy ...

"I thought you were ok with me. Why haven't I heard from you?"

Hey y'all.

Thanks for all messages of concern, nagging and basic nosiness . I am doing great just got wrapped up in some stuff. No, not bondage ( this time ).

I have made great progress on the book. Great progress on my demons.

I did forget to buy cat food and was running late this morning so when I get home I am going to get clawed to death when I sneak in with the cat food.

I fell down the stairs too. Nice bruise on my elbow and on my tail bone. Bumpity bump from top to bottom.

Any exciting news around these parts?

OK. I am absolutely determined to get out of this fucking office the first chance I can. I have no vacation days left so I must grit my teeth and drag my ass into work each day for the next 3 weeks. However once the new year gets here I shall be taking a well deserved (?) sabatical. Following on from a thought that was floating in Kays blog I would like some suggestions from you lot as to where I should go. As I know nothing of this land I shall place myself in your hands ( not literally Nick so calm down ).

I want fairly quiet ( i.e not middle of a city ), I want good pricing, I want roaring fires and I want a comfy bed.

Thoughts?

I have just been reading a wonderfully funny 17 year olds view on life. She is a brave girl who is legally blind but appears to have more get up and go than most people I know.

Here is her view on what she will be doing when she is 30 ... remember that at 17 the age of 30 seems just forever away !!

"This is what I’ll be doing when I’m 30. I’ll be living in a cottage, with 10 cats and a massive collection of vibrators. I’ll eat spam from the tin and drink special brue between chain smoking joints. I’ll wear leopard skin mini skirts to Asda along with brown cardies and Wellingtons. I’ll sexually abuse delivery men and get thrown out of tacky pubs on Saturday nights having drunk away my benefits. I’ll write ‘how to give a blow job’ articles in tack women’s mags, and ‘take-em-roughly’ articles in lads mags. I’ll bathe once a week and become infamous in the area for wandering naked through the woods cained out of my head and shouting about ‘the bastards’."

Now FFS ... this sounds like my life at 34 !!!!

Good Morning.

Just thought I would stumble in to let you all know I survived the meeting yesterday with the location director.

Apparently it is bad form to tell a client what you think of their money management skills. If a client wishes to live way beyond their means and owe dear Mr Tax Man beaucoup amounts of money that apparently is no reason for me to tell him to tighten his belt, quit buying his bimbos trinkets and stop being a flashy bastard with money that he doesn't have to do it with. I think the actual problem is that I used those exact words !! Oh well What-the-fuck-ever.

Did you all miss me yesterday?

Yeah right. Abi who?