After reading something Fruity wrote to me it has made me realise how much my friends list has changed/grown since I put a certain 'friends only' post up some months back.

So I have decided to repost it here with no restrictions as to who can view and hopefully it will make some of my more recent posts make sense to you.

Aplogies to those of you that have already seen this and want to yawn

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First posted early October:

I was sitting tonight going through some papers I have been meaning to go through and found something I wrote some time back and wanted to share it. I am making this for certain friends only to hopefully give you all a small glimpse into why I sometimes fall off the deep end. I am not ashamed of what I have had to go through but sometimes I have a hard time putting what happened into words and am certainly no poet.
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"Bobby Is No More"

I hate this place, I hate this hell.
How did this happen, I was doing so well.
The mistake I made was loving the wrong man.
A future for us was not in Gods plan.

It's hard to say "Goodbye" but that is what I did.
Not only did it hurt me but I know it hurt the kids.
In a perfect situation we could have stayed friends.
But tragically for Bobby he thought it was the end.

His anger at rejection caused him to lash out.
The lies that he told about me made me scream and shout.
It was my word against his in a town that was his home.
I have never in my life felt so damned and all alone.

Three weeks in this place and he came to see me one day.
But I was filled with anger and hurt so I sent him on his way.
Then I got the news that took the breath out of my chest.
Now trapped by all his lies he felt that death for him was best.

On that sad May morning a proud man took his life.
Leaving behind his children and a heart that cries at night.
My situation will change with truth at the courts door.
But that won't change the fact that Bobby is no more.

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Post-script: After spending a harrowing 11 months in a backwoods, redneck, corrupted jail I was set free and cleared of all charges.
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I think Thursday must hate me. If you will notice that on Thursdays my main desire seems to be to cancel it and get to Friday. Why should this week be any fucking different.

Now ... none of what is irritating me is a disaster by itself but combined it is begining to make me feel that someone is poking me in the eyes with a biro.

Dress that I had a bidding frenzy over on Ebay arrived today NOT from London but some child slave factory in China. It is so grossly NOT what I wanted ... the only thing the same as the picture is the color. It looks like it was thrown together at midnight on a speeding train by stoned midgets!!

SatNav that I ordered has NOT arrived so I will blindly set off yet again on a road trip with my toes, fingers and eyelashes crossed that I will arrive at least within 100 miles of desired location. Fuck.

New phone is shiny and pretty with bells and whistles but I'll be fucked if I can make 'em chime and tinkle for me.

My brother called to ask if I would like to spend Christmas with him and his missus. Hmmmm ... let me think about it .... erm ... No.

Mom called in tears cos I don't want to do Christmas this year and then proceeded with a guilt trip that may have worked on Stalin but I don't care.

I do NOT want to be here for Christmas. I do NOT want to be around a family that this time last year couldn't have given a fuck if I was ever set free. I do NOT want to pretend that it's ok that I will not be seeing my son.

I do however want a drink and that won't fucking happen because in usual Abi procrastination style I now have too much to fucking do.

Tra la la la la la

Oh look a choccie biscuit ....

* wanders off in a daze but feeling rather relieved *

When you are in a U.S. jail nothing belongs to you. You are not a real person. You are a number. you have no identity.

This is all while you are stil 'innocent until proven guilty'. Fuck off you hypocrites ... yeah xxxxx County, I am talking to you.

The only, and I mean only right you have is that they can never take your bible from you. So one of the first things you do regardless of your religious views is get a bible. Don't even get me started on the red tape you must jump through to get the bible in the first place.

Anyway, once you have posession of the bible you get all your important phone numbers and addresses written down in there. Sorry if anyone feels the need to tell me I am blasphemous for doing that. Well, in my bible I also wrote poetry, thoughts and the such like that I knew I wanted to remember. Yeah sure I kept a diary too but it was always with the knowledge that I could lose it at any point.

Sooooooo ..... my point that I am slowly fucking getting to. I was sitting here tonight doing some writing. Well, we all knew some demons would get released from the recesses of my mind when I started this book didn't we? Tonight it has really hit me hard the lasting effect the whole fucked up situation could have on others .... namely my son, C.

So, I want to share with you guys a short itty bitty poem I wrote for him that I found between the Old and New Testament.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting here alone in a room full of strangers,
Trying so very hard not to be consumed by the anger.

With every passing day that I sit here in this jail,
I wonder what'll become of me in this living hell.

All I see around me are bars and walls and chains,
When what I really want to see is the falling rain.

The kind of summer rain that is cooling to the skin,
Sadly that won't happen because of this predicament I'm in.

Will the bells of justice finally ring true?
I guess until that happens I'm alone and missing you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No comments on my crappy poetry skills !!

All together now ...........

Y. M. C. A.

I just bought (and it had better be delivered tomorrow) a nice new shiney Samsung D900.

I had no clue what I was doing so please feel free to tell me if I bought a total useless bugger of a phone.

No, this is not some ploy to change numbers thereby start avoiding people.

So I was looking for a cute toothbrush picture ( yep ... bored and obsessed more so with dental hygiene now ) and I came across two great pics ... one I couldn't post due to being too graphic for even me.

You will never look at your toothbrush in the same way again.

p.s. Before you even start to whine .. no, I don't know how to enlarge it.

So I am sitting here reading some comments on The Nightmare Weekend Story and trying to gracefully eat a chicken salad.

Fuckity.

You guys are hilarious.

End result = Salad between the cleavage.

Now that would be ok if my new assistant, who I have been forced to allow into my office, had not chosen the exact moment I am digging around down my shirt to walk in with a fire safety inspector !!

Where's the fire you fuckwit!!

1.

2.

3. R.I.P.

4.

5.
A fellow blogger !!!

To the person who can name the first four correctly I will reveal the answer to number 5 to.

Is anybody here beside me, Paddy and Jake ??

Hello .....hellooo ..... hellooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!!

Damn ... I sound kinda sexy ... I want me !!

You scored as Red.

Just like Red, you fit most catergories. Red can be used to describe danger, and danger is what you are all about. You possibly tend not to follow the rules, are not afraid of most things and know exactly what you want. Red can also be described as the colour of 'love' and this is your weakness. You are an absolute sucker for romance and your usual stubborn shell falls when in the presense of someone you like. You are passionate, beautiful and alluring to the eye.

Well. Monday morning ...again!! Geeezzzz, you'd think we could have a little variety around here. Maybe have Wednesday first for a change.

So what did I do this weekend?

Well, drinkies Friday in London. Fantastic seeing Kay and Nixie again. Wonderful to finally meet Mr Nixie . Fantastic to also finally meet the cantakerous Old Nick. What a blast hun. I'll get drunk with you anytime. Also thanks to Nannyogg for trudging through the depths of the underground to come and do some local wine tasting. You are a star!

So after placing my drunk ass on the train and conversing with a rather strange lady I get back to Reading to discover I have missed the train to Wokingham ( was there ever any doubt that would happen? ) so I called baby brother who wonderfully pulled his ass out of bed to come and get me. Then he even took me back to my car early Saturday morning as I had to get to the train station to pick up my weekend houseguest!!

Do I want to talk about that part of the weekend? I think it's best if we just let it go.

'Morning all !!

Ok, I do not normally inflate other bloggers readership ... your talents ( or lack of ) will do that for you.

However .. this post has to be read.

I will be very interested to see how this one spirals... and which way it spirals.

Go TKK Go !!!!

I sent notification in the form of a death certificate to HMRC some time back that a certain client of mine, who was having the blood drained out of him by the government, had passed away, died, kicked the bucket, snuffed it ... tis no more.

I got a letter back today and it has just reached my desk.

"Please provide documention in addition to that already provided to confirm your clients condition or we will have to assume the condition is no longer valid" ( I am ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY not kidding )

"Please respond immediately to prevent further proceedings"

WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dig him up then buddy, see if you can sell his fucking burial suit !!

A new soup for ya.

Black Velvet

Ingredients
Half a pint of Guinness
Half a pint of cider

Method
Pour the cider into the half a pint of Guinness.
Notes

Upon completion of the two being mixed together a mind blowing bittersweet concoction is produced.
As the above consists of a pint of liquid going into a pint glass, the first couple of attempts will cause a large amount of froth.
The cider should be of one of the stronger varieties.
For the rich man's version use champagne instead of cider.

Tom Collins

Ingredients

2oz Gin (dry is preferred)
1oz Lemon juice
1 teaspoon Sugar
3oz Club soda
Method

Mix gin, lemon juice and sugar with ice in a shaker. Shake well.

Strain into a Collins glass nearly filled with ice.

Add club soda. Garnish with a lime slice or wedge1.

Caveat
Unless you are royalty, your Tom Collins will never be made like this. Nobody makes a Collins from scratch. A Collins mix - which is basically club soda, lemon juice, and sugar - is generally sprayed from the fountain hose behind the bar. Americans can purchase it by the 2-litre plastic bottle in any decent-sized market.

Few bars have actual Collins glasses, which are generally speaking larger than a highball glass and often have a frosted texture. In bars, you will find a true Collins glass about as frequently as you will find a beautiful barmaid who digs drunk loudmouths. Most serve the Tom Collins in a highball glass.

Notes

The Tom Collins is widely popular and is best enjoyed as a sipping drink, to be savoured rather than guzzled, and is not for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Its popularity has generated both the glass in which it is served and a vast family of Collins-style drinks.

Part of the popularity of the Tom Collins comes from its reputation as a drink which is almost impossible to mix improperly. Throw some gin and Collins mix at some ice and presto. If the truth is to be told, there are precious few with taste buds sufficiently schooled to object to the more casual Collins concoction, which is probably why practically no two actual recipes for the Tom Collins are exactly the same. The important thing is not to get uptight about the particulars of the drink. Don't send it back if it's sweet gin in a highball glass with a lemon. The Tom Collins is a social drink, and demands amiability. Enjoy it with an air of sophisticated nonchalance.

History

Tales of the naming of the Tom Collins vary as widely as the recipes, though there are two basic varieties.

Some believe that it was named after the alcohol used in its mixing, Old Tom Gin, which was a sweet gin popular at the turn of the 20th Century. This still leaves the 'Collins' part of the name open to question.

Others believe it was named after the clever bartender who invented it.

Whichever, if either, is true, there is no consensus on exactly where or when the invention of the Tom Collins took place. A couple of stories refer to bartenders in the New York/New Jersey area, but San Francisco also believes itself to be the city of origin. The most common English story involves the head waiter from a hotel bar called Limmer's. Australia also lays claim to the drink's invention.

The mysteries surrounding the spawning of the Tom Collins suggest one conclusion; a Tom Collins is for drinking, not studying.

Variations

There are a ridiculous number of variations on the basic Tom Collins theme, most differing primarily in the main alcoholic ingredient. Here are a few of the most common Collinses, along with their base alcohols.

Brandy Collins (Brandy)
Jack Collins (Applejack)
John Collins (Bourbon)
Mike Collins (Irish whiskey)
Pedro (or Rum) Collins (Rum)
Sandy (or Jock) Collins (Scotch)
Vodka Collins (Vodka)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Garnishes in the US vary from coast to coast. West Coast bartenders prefer lime, East Coast bartenders prefer orange. Often cherries find their way into the drink as well. Outside America, you're on your own.

OK .. I need help.

I need a user manual ... one I can just download would be great.

Navman iCN 510 GPS Receiver

C'mon .. show me that us being such an eclectic group someone will know how to find this for me.

* numpty waiting on wine here *

Please, please, please open coments back up on your blog.

I miss having random conversations !!

Someone explain to me what 'open marriage' means? Yet you never get to meet this oh so open wife. Cheating, lying fuckers !! Married men get on my nerves.

I want a cup of tea.

I got an assistant today that I have to share my fucking office with.

He is a twat ( cute but still a twat ).

Got my hair cut yesterday and it's truely fucked up.

Forgot to get up early to go pick up package at post office. Bollocks.

Someone keeps calling me and hanging up.

I am cold.

Is it 5 o'clock yet?

DOGS DIARY

7am: Oh boy, a walk............my favourite!

8am: Oh boy, dog food........my favourite!

9am: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite!

Noon:Oh boy, the garden....my favourite!

2pm: Oh boy, a car ride......my favourite!

3pm: Oh boy, the kids.........my favourite!

4pm: Oh boy, playing ball....my favourite!

6pm: Oh boy, welcome home Mum....my favourite!

7pm: Oh boy, welcome home Dad.....my favourite!

8pm: Oh boy, dog food.....my favourite!

9pm: Oh boy, tummy rubs on the couch.....my favourite!

11pm: Oh boy, sleeping in my people's bed.....my favourite!

CATS DIARY

Day 483 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded.....must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their hearts. They only coo-ed and condescended about what a good little cat I am. Hmmmm, that didn't go according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard my confinement was due to my powers of inducing 'allergies'. I must learn what this power is and how I may use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, and maybe snitches. The dog next door is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird at the house down the road, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience.

I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

What a totally crap day all around.

I hereby declare it cancelled.

Everybody please move along to tomorrow.

1. Do you still talk with the person you last kissed?
Yes ... and he makes a great Tom Collins.
2. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Don't have a best friend right now. Not pitiful just fact.
3. Do you like more than one person right now?
Yes.
4. What was the last thing you ate?
A piri-piri wrap.
5. Did you get any compliments today?
Hmmm ..is "Your hair looks different today" a compliment?
6. Where are you going on your next vacation?
The pub on Friday!!
7. Are most of your friends guys or girls?
50/50
8. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
No .. should I? What is Ikea?
9. Do you own any pets?
Yep ... Smudge of sour milk drinking fame.
10. If you could have one superpower what would it be?
Walk through walls
11. Where have you lived most of your life?
States
12. Why is the sky blue?
Are you kidding me?
13. When was the last time you took a long drive?
Back from Leeds with Kay snoring a damn tune.
14. What is your least favorite sound?
The spin cycle on my current washing machine. It fucking scares me !!
15. Are you moody?
I can be. What of it?
16. What is your most favorite movie of all time?
Lonesome Dove.
17. Have you ever done anything hurtful to a classmate?
Yes but her hair looked 'nice' when we were done.
18. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
Actually no.
19. Have you ever toilet papered someone's house?
Yes ... don't blame me I was acting like a sheep.
20. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
No sister.
21. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
Yes.
22. Have you ever gone streaking?
Nada.
23. Have you ever had a stalker?
Yes but his injuries should heal soon.
24. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yes. God I wish I hadn't stolen this now .. these are pathetic.
25. How many hours a day do you watch TV?
At least the news if nothing else.
26. Have you ever gone to a party?
FFS. Yes.
27. Have you ever been in love?
Define love. I have been infatuated etc but love ... not sure.
28. Have you ever been betrayed by your best friend(s)?
Yes, hence the answer to number 2.
29. Have you ever been out of the UK?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
30. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
OMG !! Are you out of your mind? Work out?
31. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat?
Yep.
32. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food in one day?
Yes, when driving from California to Tennessee.
33. What was the last song you listened to?
Throwing Copper - Live album in the car ( not sure what sone was on when I got here )
34. What items do you never leave home without?
Money, credit-cards, phone and keys.
35. Last restaurant you ate at?
Ye Olde Leathern Bottle
36. Who was the last person who called you?
Not telling.
37. Who was the last person who texted you?
See 36
38. When was the last time you slept?
Driving to work !! wtf.
39. What are your plans for tonight?
Same as Kay.
40. Who will repost this survey?
Hopefully no-one.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well, our resident SCROOGE just reminded me that tomorrow is a date in time that shall be forever burned into my soul as the day I learned how to hate.

November 24th.

Happy fucking wedding anniversary wishes go out to my fuckwit c**t of an ex-husband.

Most people remember the exact day/hour/minute of their divorce. I don't. Not a clue. Yet my wedding day will forever be seared in my memory.

I shall never forget the utter fear .. yep, I was a virgin on my wedding night.

How's that for a shocker.

You would think that my own mother would know me just a teeny bit.

Mom and dad landed the other day after going back to the U.S. for a few weeks.

Mom calls me at work yesterday to tell me that my present had arrived. She mailed it ... don't fucking ask!!

I get there not really sure what I am expecting.

She has bought me ... me who has lived in South Carolina for the last million fucking years a .... wait for it ...... South Carolina thimble. ( they didn't even go to S.C. they went to Nevada !! )

I'm sorry ... did I turn 98 and not know it.

WTF do I want a S.C. thimble for? For bouncing off the parental foreheads maybe??

Ungrateful? Yeah I guess I am. Just makes me see my parents don't have a clue who I am.

Soooooooo .... here's my point to this tirade.

What is the worst present you have ever been given that you had to pretend you liked. C'mon ... give it up.

.... this is wrong !!!!!

"THE European Union has ordered tens of millions of rabbits, mice and guinea pigs to be tortured and killed in cruel and needless experiments to serve the latest piece of pointless Brussels bureaucracy.

The new Brussels Registration Evaluation and Authorization of Chemicals directive means that all chemicals used in household products, from toys to shampoo, which haven't already been tested on animals must be so tested or be banned. This means anything used for longer than the past 25 years in which those tests have been enforced by the EU must now be tested.

It is common sense that if there was anything genuinely harmful to humans in household products in everyday use for more than a quarter of a century (in some cases for many centuries) it would have become evident by now.

But nevertheless this has not stopped the Eurocrats. When this Directive comes into force next April it will unleash an unprecedented orgy of cruelty to animals. Chemicals will be dropped into the eyes of agonised rabbits until they go blind. Burning irritants will be rubbed into the skins of whimpering guinea pigs. Mice will be deliberately given cancer. Pregnant rabbits will be injected with chemicals so their babies are born dead. Animals will be exposed to higher and higher doses of chemicals, far beyond anything humans would ever come anywhere near encountering in real life, to see how much it takes to hurt, harm and slowly and painfully kill them. And all the while cold-eyed Brussels bureaucrats callously note each detail of the animals; agony on their clipboards.

Estimates of the number of harmless animals who must suffer and die in this pointless piece of pen-pushing sadism range from the chemical industry's 16 million to the 45 million victims expected by Germany's Institute for Risk Management.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals says it is 'horrified' by the animal experimentation Brussels plans to unleash. But Britain's political parties currently in the European Parliament are voting to unleash the vivisectors and animal torturers regardless. Labour always backed the new directive and now the Tories have done a U-turn and David Cameron has ordered the 26 Tory Euro-MPs to vote for it as well.

Whatever the issues surrounding testing of new chemicals and drugs on animals, there is no excuse for causing suffering on this scale to test old chemicals, harmlessly in use for decades, just so some foreign bureaucrat can tick a box on a health and safety form."

OK, just read something over on Nonnys blog that reminded me that we are eternally old in our kids eyes.

Reminds me of when I turned 30. My son, sweet child that he is had the following conversation with me.

Me:"Hey, it's my birthday tomorrow how about we go to the park and celebrate"

Son:"How old are you gonna be"

Me:"30 and it's 'going to' not 'gonna' son"

Son:"hmmm, how old is that?"

Me:"Well, it's younger than 31"

Son: Serious look "Are you still in school?"

Me:"No, I am finally done"

Son: Nodding in sympathy "Oh, so you're just old then"

Me ... * SMACK *

(ok, kidding about the last part but it WAS tempting)

I am so not in the mood.

In the mood for what?

I do not feel like dealing with fake people, pretentious assholes, shallow fuckwits ... and the list could go on.

It may be best if I don't blog today

Well after an exhausting night shopping I do think it is time for me to actually do some housework. Yuck !!!

I would rather pluck my eyebrows with a jackhammer !!!

OK, this is the dress that I am bidding on right now. Brand new and bidding is at £40. It closes in 2 hours and if I don't get it someone will die !!!!!!

I'm not the joke lady around here but I couldn't resist this one ... seeing as how the most delicate and puritanical lady we have working here just sent it to me.

Hung Chow calls into work and says,
"Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach-ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

"The boss says,
"You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. By the way -
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You got nice house."

Just out of curiousity how many of you use the comment moderator thing ( where you can read what someone says on your blog before it gets posted and decide whether it can go on there or not )?

My reason for asking this is I just wonder how fair it is.

I think maybe either allow comments or not allow them but don't play and pick and choose who gets to respond to the things you have said.

Especially if the things you have said may be portraying another blogger in an unfair light to those that may just be browsing through and don't know that blogger.

Yes, sometimes in life people may say things that are not in total agreeance ( is that even a word ) with what we said but I think as long as they are mature and respectful in presenting their thoughts to you then surely it can only make you look open minded by allowing the comment to be posted.

Just my humble thoughts and opinions.

Alrighty then ... seeing as how Charlie demoted it from 'girls only night'.

Anyone wanna have drinks in London on Friday night?

I am proposing ( not marriage ) a pub near Paddington as that seems the easiest ( for me ... har de har ha ).

I am thinking I should get to Paddington at about 6ish depending on idiots.

Who else aside from Kay, Nixie, myself and Charlie are up for it?

Selfish, backstabbing, disrespectful, fuckwits who you let into your life only to discover they are the first four words of this sentence.

In other news my new books that arrived today smell delicious.