Sorry couldn't resist ... I love this one!!! Look at the whip !!

So ... my day was rather pleasant.

Decided to walk to my moms ( not too far !! )

Had a nice phone conversation with a friend.

Decided upon advice to go buy a paper and sit in the village pub to read it.

The only, and I mean ONLY newspaper left in the village shop was a copy of The Sun. So decided since I haven't read that paper yet ... why not.

Get in pub with it tucked up my arm, order a diet coke. ( I promise )

Opened the paper and by about page 7 decided it might be better used in Smudges litter tray.

Ended up playing cribage with a nice gentleman of indetermined age ( circa 1920's ). He kicked my ass and told great stories.

Strolled back home, bought a bottle of wine on the way ( sorry, it's gotta be done ... hey I made it a week though )

Had a nice fish dinner followed by the ever present cheesecake.

About to open the aforementioned wine and enjoy my own company.

You? What did you do today?

Do you ever feel like you head is in a vice and someone is turing the handle ever so slowly? Don't roll your eyes, this is not one of those posts, I just need to clear some cobwebs.

Work is getting increasingly stressful, I am good at what I do and most times love what I do but I just don't think it's what I want to do for the rest of my life. Ughhhhh "what a waste of an education" I can hear my mom saying.

I have that thing in my head that I am trying to get down on paper and it's not coming out right. The way it's coming out right now I wouldn't read it so why should you? Maybe I am being too self-critical, I don't know. Who wants to hear about some of things that I went through/saw/heard blah blah in that fucking situation afterall. Yet, I feel like I am going to explode trying to get all of it out of my head.

Do you all remember when I finally managed to finally get wonderfully laid a little while back? Well, now I just feel awful because even though I was very clear and didn't pretend that I wanted a relationship with him when he left the country again, now I don't even know that I want a friendship with him!! I have become like every guy I've ever hated and that does not feel good.

Here's the final proverbial straw. I have an ex ( don't we all ) that is the one. You know the one I mean, the one you always have in the back of your mind wondering 'what if' and the one you think of when you hear certain songs, see certain movies, smell certain smells. Well, Alex, is an ex that I was with for four years and it ended about 3 years ago ( right before the Bobby drama began ). We have stayed in touch over the years. He's heard about my pain, I've heard about his. We have talked on the phone more increasingly over the last months due to him now being overseas ( no, I don't purposely go for guys with lots of distance - it just works out like that ). Well, he informed me last night during a wonderful two hour phone call (!!!) that he is being flown back for one week at the begining of November and wants to see me. This man makes electric go through me. We are amazing together but ....and there's always a 'but' with me .... I love the whirlwind he always pputs me in but I am scared that I will get caught up in it again and not know how to stop it without it being a disaster. Then if I decide to tell him that it wouldn't be a good idea, which my clearheaded side tells me is the right thing to do, will I lose his friendship?

So the short version is ... I will end up jobless, no book and alone !!! Will I be happy that way?

FFS. Stop typing Abi ... you're putting Blogville to sleep. Anyway, whoever is turning that handle ... QUIT ... my head hurts!!!

..... why does it evade me?