A strange thought just occured to me after a comment by Molty ( as usual ) and then my little imagination has ran with it.

Wouldn't it be awesome if there were a SatNav for the body that we could purchase for potential bedmates? There would be no more fumbling trying to find what they are looking for. No more failed attempts at actually getting me NOT to fake it. Oh the potential is awesome.

* At the next sigh, move left and continue for indetermined time *

Grrrrr.... only damn 'stay open late' shop in this village which closes at 10pm decided to close early tonight. Fuckers. How dare they want a life. So I trudge home, no longer enjoying the moon but rather cursing it. Get into car. Drive to town to trusty Tesco garage. Stand in line with local mouthy youths. Glare rather convincingly at one as he looks at the purse in my hand. Ask for cigarettes and get a stern lecture on smoking from the cashier FFS !!! To which I politely respond with " If I had wanted a health lecture I would have gone to the hospital, and my dear, if you don't do your job and serve me that might be where you end up before the night is out" Harsh? Maybe, but dammit!!!

* admits to enjoying the little round of applause I received as I was leaving *

Here I am on a Saturday night. Home and sober. Funny thing is .. I am perfectly ok with that. ( won't mention I have a little headache from last night )

Anyway today I have spring cleaned my house ( why should I only do it in the spring I ask ? ) and had the fun time of taking my kitten outside for the first time ever. It was soooo funny. He was a blast!! Watching him jump through the grass ( must cut it at some point ) and try to scale everthing in sight ( including me ) was the best therapy ever. Of course now he is exhausted and sprawled out on the couch ( much like I was at 2am this morning!! ). So hopefully I wont have to deal with the normal 10pm to midnight exorcist kitty.

Anyone else here tonight or is it just me??

I was sitting tonight going through some papers I have been meaning to go through and found something I wrote some time back and wanted to share it. I am making this for certain friends only to hopefully give you all a small glimpse into why I sometimes fall off the deep end. I am not ashamed of what I have had to go through but sometimes I have a hard time putting what happened into words and am certainly no poet.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Bobby Is No More"

I hate this place, I hate this hell.
How did this happen, I was doing so well.
The mistake I made was loving the wrong man.
A future for us was not in Gods plan.

It's hard to say "Goodbye" but that is what I did.
Not only did it hurt me but I know it hurt the kids.
In a perfect situation we could have stayed friends.
But tragically for Bobby he thought it was the end.

His anger at rejection caused him to lash out.
The lies that he told about me made me scream and shout.
It was my word against his in a town that was his home.
I have never in my life felt so damned and all alone.

Three weeks in this place and he came to see me one day.
But I was filled with anger and hurt so I sent him on his way.
Then I got the news that took the breath out of my chest.
Now trapped by all his lies he felt that death for him was best.

On that sad May morning a proud man took his life.
Leaving behind his children and a heart that cries at night.
My situation will change with truth at the courts door.
But that won't change the fact that Bobby is no more.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Post-script: After spending a harrowing 11 months in a backwoods, redneck, corrupted jail I was set free and cleared of all charges.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~