Ooooo I do like this catwoman pic. Ok, off to do some work now. * yawn *

PART ONE

After a few requests ( some polite and others threatening ) I have decided to share the wonderful night that was beforehand know as Tuesday but will forevermore be known as "The day Abi came to town"

The evening started off rather normal. Nice pleasant drive home (from work that is .. this is not some Pulp Fiction style tale)with only a few minor moments of road rage. Well, geezzzz, why do people insist on driving at 3 miles an hour and read a map too?? Everyone should do what I do ... drive at whiplash speeds and just guess where the hell you are going. So much more fun don't you think?

So anyway, I digress (Oooooo posh sounding words today), I get home, feed Smudge (more on who he is later), jump in the bath ( I advise stepping in as jumping hurts ) and fall asleep. Eeeeeekkkkkkkkkk. I fell asleep. WTF??? I wake up, water is like ice and my nipples will never calm down. (shuddup Charlie!!) Its 7pm and I have to be ready to leave at 7.30pm. Oh yeah right ... with Shirley Temple hair that I iron flat just to be able to get out the door!! Sooooo I ran next door to my neighbor ... oops ... neighbour (happy J?) and asked him if he wouldn't mind taking my car and putting gas in it. Simple enough request that would certainly save me some time. Well, I guess its at this point that I realise I should have made a better effort not to hit his car on Sunday ( more on that later as well) and probably should have made an effort to be wearing more than a towel when I went to place this request. Oh don't get me wrong ... he was a total gent about it. He was concentrating so hard on maintaining eye contact, bless him.

However, when I turned around to go back to my door and saw the 4 or 5 teenage boys leaned forward on the handlebars of their bikes I then realised that my ass was showing to the entire world!! I am patiently awaiting the knock at the door from the irate parents.

Anyway, fast forward ..... so I am finally in my car driving to my friends house (where I shall be depositing my car and self respect). My neighbor has sweetly filled the car up for me and left my change on the passenger seat along with a bill for damage to his car ( again ... later ). I nearly crashed the car when I saw the outrageous, bank account raping price he had been quoted for what is merely a scratch. You get more damage driving through a car wash ffs!!

So now I am mad!! Angy!! Stroppy!!! (love that word btw) and just need a fekking drink. I get to J's house and within 5 minutes have had 3 shots and a nice glass of wine. Much better. Time to go out now.

Stay tuned ... in episode two: Exhibitionism, waiter named Spagetti and 101 ways to love a flowerpot.

Blatantly stolen but I don't care ... now where's my damn coffee !!!

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.